we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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