my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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