i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
