they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
