In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
