her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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