I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
