I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
