you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
