Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
