i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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