No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
