it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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