Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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