If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
