The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
