it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
