And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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