I want to stick my p in your. b.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
