me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
