Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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