just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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