His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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