I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
