i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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