My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
