Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize