So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize