My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
