My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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