i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
