i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize