New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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