your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
