The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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