i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
