What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
