wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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