he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
