I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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