I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
