He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
