i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
