im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
