when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize