so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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