This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
