If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
