Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
