to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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