i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
