I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I touched a dick in church today
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
