Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish life had little blips of pornography
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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