I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
