I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
