No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Someone shattered a urinal.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
