nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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