So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
