Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
