we have pet lesbian snakes
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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