I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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