You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
