I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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