Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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