it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
bring money and cleavage
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
