your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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